Tom's parents came up to visit Keegan this weekend. He swam at their hotel pool Friday afternoon and then we got dinner and ice cream at our favorite outdoor place. Saturday he rode his bike and showed them the neighborhood and then we went mini-golfing. He didn't stay entirely focused but liked to hit the ball into the hole and loved being in charge of holding the flags. After his nap he swam at the hotel pool again and my parents came up to have dinner with us. Sunday we went up to visit their relatives in Maine. Keegan rode their property in a golf cart and flew a kite and went pretend fishing with a stick and basically had a great time. On the way home we picked up Isabelle and then the kids rode bikes while we walked the dogs. Tom's parents left right before dinner time.
Sounds like a good time. But under it all were so many factors. Most importantly the in-law factor, the divorce factor and the grief factor. And unfortunately they added up to a not good time for the adults involved. I don't know what to do with the situation right now. We're definitely at a standstill and some time and space is needed before we take the next steps. Bearing in mind the tremendous grief they are experiencing. Bearing in mind that I and my family need to be respected. And things were said. Things that were like what used to be said to me when I was married to Tom. But now they are even deeper because they are also colored by loss and pain. I have a responsiblity to maintain the relationship for Keegan. I have a responsiblity to protect my family and myself from the stress and emotional bombs. I have absolutely no ideas on how to move on from here. I called for my referral for counseling today. I am out of my league here.
Alisa. 36. New Hampshire. Married for two years to this wonderful, funny, smart guy. Previously married. Went through in-vitro fertilization to have my four and a half year old magical son Keegan. Stepmother to the charming Isabelle (5). Just had our first child together, a boy, Harper(born June 10). Policy Wonk and dreaded bureaucrat. Lover of fine cuisine, honeybees, truly romantic moments and the underdog.
Smoke's Chili
Yield 12 servings (serving size: 1 cup chili, 1 tablespoon sour cream, and 1 tablespoon cheese)
Ingredients
2 teaspoons vegetable oil, divided
3 1/2 pounds lean, boned chuck roast, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
3 cups chopped green bell pepper
1 1/2 cups chopped...continue reading
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It's My Special Day
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At least I'm Enjoying The Ride
Love Overload
The Groundwork
Feel Good Vodka
Neutron Star
Slippery Slope
http://www.fillorburst.com/mt-tb.cgi/1402
Oh, Alisa. I can't even imagine what could have happened. Actually, I have some general "gists" of what might have happened, but this is a tough, tough situation. I've always had the utmost respect for you because you have put Keegan first and it's great that you are maintaining a relationship with Tom's family. You are doing great. But I can only imagine the things that could happen when family is colored by grief, spite, whatever. You are in my thoughts, and I'm so proud of you for realizing that this is out of your scope of practice when it gets personal. I'm glad you contacted for a referral. I'm an e-mail away, love.
wow, I don't even know what to say. That's a hard situation all around. I'm glad you're going to talk to a neutral party. Hopefully he/she will be able to shed some light on this and perhaps approach it in a different way. *hugs*
Wait? Disparaging remarks? That's not right nor nice. I guess I am not as strong as you. One harsh word and I would have scooped up my kids and told them that until they got their acts together and can be respectful, I won't subject my family to that behavior.
I hope your counselor can shed some light for you. I am reactive, not proactive. Shocker, I know. :)
I'm sorry it was a difficult visit for everyone involved. So much pain for so many people, on so many levels and in so many ways. I think it's great that you do your part to ensure Keegan has a relationship with them...I hope they appreciate the fact that you do that, and that they don't take it-or you-for granted.
I hope your counselor can offer some insight on how to handle things like this. My heart goes out to you-and to Tom's family. No matter that he was an adult-they lost their son-and no parent should have to go through that.
Hang in there, girl. You're never far from my thoughts.
I'm so sorry the weekend was so hard. The possibibly upside is a final decision to get a referral. I think you will find talking to a 3rd party very helpful. Hugs