Alisa. 37. New Hampshire. Married for almost three years to this wonderful, funny, smart guy. Previously married. Went through in-vitro fertilization to have my five year old magical son Keegan. Stepmother to the charming Isabelle (6). Gushingly in love with our baby boy Harper(1). Policy Wonk and dreaded bureaucrat. Lover of fine cuisine, honeybees, truly romantic moments and the underdog.
Curried Beef Short Ribs

Note: I found this was more realistically four servings.

Finishing this dish with lime zest and juice brightens its rich flavors.

Yield 6 servings (serving size: about 3 ounces ribs, 2/3 cup rice, and about 2 1/2 tablespoons sauce)

2 teaspoons canola oil
2 pounds ...continue reading

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From the Ashes

When I was at the medical school and more importantly the hospital a few weeks ago I realized it had been four years since infertility treatments. Four years since I spent all that time there having blood taken and getting ultrasounds. I was thinking back about this time four years ago and looked up my archives. Apparently it was also snowing in April then too and I conveniently forgot it was normal for around here. But I also read entries about getting laid off and the impact on my identity. The fears about being pregnant and being a mother. The depression I was dealing with at the time. The feeling of never being content. The dreams of a little boy. And the thing that struck me is that I was lucky enough to get pregnant on the first IVF. I did live the rest of my life that year around being pregnant. And at that point I thought it was the hardest time in my life I had ever had.
Now four years later I have my little boy. I found work that fulfills me in the way the teen center did but has a wider impact. I have gone through what is truly the worst I have ever had to. I am in a completely different marriage. And I have found that feeling of contentment. I am still striving to do better, be better and give better. But there are complete moments when I am absolutely full.
There is something to be said for hope. Hope in the midst of despair. Not only can things not be as painful any more but they can become more than your wildest dreams. And if this is 35. What can 40 bring? And that is the essential paradigm shift. The idea that my life is still full of possibilities. That the coming years bring more goodness, more love, more growth, more adventure.

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