about
Alisa. 37. New Hampshire. Married for almost three years to this wonderful, funny, smart guy. Previously married. Went through in-vitro fertilization to have my five year old magical son Keegan. Stepmother to the charming Isabelle (6). Gushingly in love with our baby boy Harper(1). Policy Wonk and dreaded bureaucrat. Lover of fine cuisine, honeybees, truly romantic moments and the underdog.
cooking
Curried Beef Short Ribs

Note: I found this was more realistically four servings.

Finishing this dish with lime zest and juice brightens its rich flavors.

Yield 6 servings (serving size: about 3 ounces ribs, 2/3 cup rice, and about 2 1/2 tablespoons sauce)

2 teaspoons canola oil
2 pounds ...continue reading

view all my recipes

navigate
blogroll
archives
categories
Design by emtwo

« A loss | Main | Only Peace »

Miles To Go

This has been such an incredibly long week. Time is a blur and frankly I don't want to remember all of the details. I have a pain that fills my chest. It fills me to where it pushes to get out and yet I feel empty at the same time. I want to write about it. I need to. But today was the service and I feel so overwhelmed by everything up to this point. Thinking about the days, weeks and months to follow are too much. I'm okay. Keegan is okay. I can not believe how many people love us. How many people love our son. I guess he is just my son now. I hold the responsibility for raising him. There will be help and support. I made plans with Tom and I made promises. They are promises I made again when I said goodbye to him Tuesday. I knew I had to see him or I would never accept the truth. I sat beside him and I told him I loved him and how much Keegan loved him. And I repeated our promises and told him I was grateful that we said things that I could have put off. And I touched him one last time and I did not want to say goodbye but he was already gone. I went through everything and I planned the service and I went to his house. I went to help his family and to bear witness. To bear witness for my son.
Keegan does not understand. I told him last night. I told him just the way the counselor said. But he can not fathom it. We will visit the counselor throughout the grieving process so that I can be sure we're doing okay. I expect questions. I expect to repeat it all over the years. I was prepared to raise a child of divorce I was not prepared to raise a child without a father. But we will remember how much his father loved him. You can see it in Tom's eyes in every picture. They only had eyes for eachother.

TrackBack for this entry:
http://www.fillorburst.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/1183