about
Alisa. 37. New Hampshire. Married for almost three years to this wonderful, funny, smart guy. Previously married. Went through in-vitro fertilization to have my five year old magical son Keegan. Stepmother to the charming Isabelle (6). Gushingly in love with our baby boy Harper(1). Policy Wonk and dreaded bureaucrat. Lover of fine cuisine, honeybees, truly romantic moments and the underdog.
cooking
Curried Beef Short Ribs

Note: I found this was more realistically four servings.

Finishing this dish with lime zest and juice brightens its rich flavors.

Yield 6 servings (serving size: about 3 ounces ribs, 2/3 cup rice, and about 2 1/2 tablespoons sauce)

2 teaspoons canola oil
2 pounds ...continue reading

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A Separate Peace

It has been one year today since Tom and I decided our marriage was over. Actually I decided I had enough and he agreed. It was a Sunday and I wanted to go out and shovel the front walkway. I asked him to watch Keegan. Almost the entire time I was out there I could hear him crying. I knew he was only crying because he was hungry and Tom didn't want to leave his man cave and get him a bottle. By the time I was finished he had brought him upstairs and was feeding him. I wasn't going to say anything but I was tired of biting my tongue.
"If I wanted to have him cry the whole time I would have left him alone." He responded with, "I don't need any comments from YOU."
I froze in the kitchen and thought despite everything I've put up with I'm not going to stick around while he tries to tear me down as a mother.
So I stopped halfway across the room and turned to look at him.
"Don't think that I am saying this out of anger. But I don't want to be married to you any more. I think we should get separated."
He finished giving Keegan his bottle and then put him in his crib for a nap. Then he went downstairs and I heard the garage door open and he drove away.
He eventually returned that night and we didn't say anything to each other for the next three days. I remember moving through the world in shock. Numbly going to work and taking care of Keegan.
On that Wednesday I started feeling something. I realized what it was. Relief. That is when I knew I had done the right thing. I could stop living my life on the edge. Stop waking up everyday and making two plans. One for life with him and one for life without. We talked that night and we started making a plan for dividing the physical parts of our marriage. It would be five more months before we sold the house and moved out on our own. It would be three and a half months after that before we were legally divorced.

I called him last night because there were things I wanted to say to him. We spoke for over an hour. And it was a good conversation. I got to say and hear things that I needed to. We agree our marriage was not a mistake. We agree that we are better off now. We agree that we don't want our divorce to be another horror story in a sea of bad divorces. We agree that our relationship now is a kind of friendship but it is important to maintain the appropriate boundaries. We agree that we'll always be bound by our history, our mutual affection, our son. We agree to keep working to make sure that we can communicate and do what is best for him.

It feels so good to know that my feelings for him are over. I look at him now in the context of what was. I look at him as a person who made a leap of faith in marriage with me. A person who cared about me enough to go through all of the infertility processes because we wanted a baby so badly. There are a thousand things I can tell you he fell short on. But he really came through on some of the most important ones. And now he is what I need him to be.

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Comments

Good for both of you! *big hug*

Shared by Z. Hendirez at January 9, 2006 1:36 PM

The story of your marriage ending is heartbreaking...I felt myself starting to tear up when I read it. But the tone of your post turned into such an inspirational one. The way you are able to agree on the really important stuff-the way you're not hateful towards him, that you accept him for the person that he is, the way you respect his role in Keegan's life, the way you respect what you once have (the marriage) and what you still have (Keegan)...refusing to see your marriage as a mistake is such an amazing perspective. So many people who divorce write it off as a "mistake", and it's never a mistake to take a leap of faith with someone you love. You realized that it is wrong, however, to stay in a relationship that is no longer good for either one of you. That takes courage-lots of it.
I admire you for being able to give him credit where it's due...it would be much easier, I'm sure, to just write him off, but you speak so respectfully of the role he's had in your life and Keegan's. It's a mature way of looking at it-and in my observations, divorce usually brings out the immature in people.
Another reason I would love to meet you-you're an amazing person. I'm glad you found a man who sees the wonderful qualities you obviously possess, because you so deserve happiness. :)
Just an observation from someone who's never met you in person...but I think you rock. Just my opinion. :)

Shared by allie at January 9, 2006 5:13 PM

You are amazing...whether you think you are or not, damn woman, you are strong!

It's nice that you two could put closure on such a difficult situation and remain a team for the sake of Keegan. Kudos to you guys.

Shared by B at January 9, 2006 7:27 PM

Agree with all of the above. You are wonderful and strong and you and Tom are doing a great job with Keegan.

Shared by S. at January 10, 2006 10:33 AM

I have met her - and she does rock! There are so many adjectives I could put down to try and describe what a wonderful person Alisa (you) is/are - but I'm afraid I'd just end up repeating "amazing" over and over and start to sound like Tom Cruise. Every time you do something important in life (positive or negative), I think "wow, I want to be as strong/brave/talented/etc. as her, I'm so glad she's my friend" - and then you go and do something else even more "amazing". Can't wait to see you!

Shared by Splolly at January 10, 2006 10:54 AM

wow, thanks for sharing that. You two are not the typical divorced couple. You defy the odds.

Shared by Beckik at January 11, 2006 8:18 AM

Such a great "ending". As someone who has gone through exactly the same thing I gotta say that it sounds like you are doing EXACTLY the right thing for all parties involved, both adult and non. As hard as it can be, it sounds like you've made the best of it and I tip my hat to you.

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