Alisa. 37. New Hampshire. Married for almost three years to this wonderful, funny, smart guy. Previously married. Went through in-vitro fertilization to have my five year old magical son Keegan. Stepmother to the charming Isabelle (6). Gushingly in love with our baby boy Harper(1). Policy Wonk and dreaded bureaucrat. Lover of fine cuisine, honeybees, truly romantic moments and the underdog.
Curried Beef Short Ribs

Note: I found this was more realistically four servings.

Finishing this dish with lime zest and juice brightens its rich flavors.

Yield 6 servings (serving size: about 3 ounces ribs, 2/3 cup rice, and about 2 1/2 tablespoons sauce)

2 teaspoons canola oil
2 pounds ...continue reading

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Be Gone Wilma/Alpha

Drove up to the mountains in heavy rain and winds this morning. Drove back down in sleet, snow, heavy rain and winds. I am cozy and safe at the office right now on my conference call. But in a few hours I have to go back out into the storm to leave for my last business trip of the year. Snow is forecasted for the part of Vermont I'm driving to. Snow I can do, I hate the mix.
You know what drives me crazy? When people ask me who watches Keegan when I am away. It's not just since I got divorced, they used to ask when I was married too. Even in this day and age there is an assumption that men can't parent unsupervised. Yes, we had our difficulties with fair division of parenting duties when we lived in the same house. But Tom never had an issue when left alone with Keegan. Frankly he rose to the occasion. And I think the bonding that occurs when they are together has made all of the difference. I have friends who are married and their spouses aren't necessarily as parentally involved as they should be. Because they don't have to be. And that sucks because simply having a uterus doesn't automatically make you a good parent. Same as not having one doesn't mean you aren't nuturing and "motherly."

Society should stop treating every single dad as an automatic deadbeat and assuming that they are running away from their children as fast as their legs can carry them. And oh by the way, every single mom is not out on the prowl for a new daddy for their children. I happen to find responsible dads and guys in general who are great with kids uber-sexy. I felt that way before I became a mother. But really it is an insight in the qualities about a person I admire and less about potential parent material. You never know how anyone is really going to handle parenthood until they are right in the middle of it. I used to joke with Tom that I hadn't secretly attended some mom class at night when he wasn't aware and therefore I was just as equipped as he was to handle our newborn. Fortunately it turned out that my nurturing instinct that I had always had with my family, garden and clients also kicked in when I had Keegan. But noone can really anticipate the sheer personal sacrifices you have to make when a child comes into your life. Who can blame someone for being completely caught off guard? I questioned my mommy competence every minute of the first few months. Somewhere along the way we fell into a rhythm, Keegan and mommy, and started to figure out how we fit together. It is a dance that continues every day as he develops his personality and I learn more and more about this little person who rules my life. So I have found a way to forgive Tom for how bad it was in the beginning and for how he wasn't able to communicate what was inside his head and forced me to make the hard choice. Now he parents to his capacity and it is wonderful to see him come into his own with confidence and physically visible love for his son. At the end of the day, Keegan only has one mommy and one daddy. And all he wants is to be with each of them as much as possible.

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