about
Alisa. 37. New Hampshire. Married for almost three years to this wonderful, funny, smart guy. Previously married. Went through in-vitro fertilization to have my five year old magical son Keegan. Stepmother to the charming Isabelle (6). Gushingly in love with our baby boy Harper(1). Policy Wonk and dreaded bureaucrat. Lover of fine cuisine, honeybees, truly romantic moments and the underdog.
cooking
Curried Beef Short Ribs

Note: I found this was more realistically four servings.

Finishing this dish with lime zest and juice brightens its rich flavors.

Yield 6 servings (serving size: about 3 ounces ribs, 2/3 cup rice, and about 2 1/2 tablespoons sauce)

2 teaspoons canola oil
2 pounds ...continue reading

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Doing much better now. I have had several very productive and good conversations with people in my life. Tom and I are back on good footing and have tackled several outstanding issues. The stress of this divorce and moves are bound to wear on anyone. I don't know if we'll ever truly be friends but we have committed to trying to communicate better and maintain a positive relationship. That means compromises, apologies and a higher level of tolerance.
I also spoke with his mother and tried to assuage some of her concerns. I want them to have an active role in Keegan's life. He will always be their grandson and they have a very important job in guiding him through life. I promised her an open door policy as far as visits and that they are welcome to call him at my house. I know they loved me as a daughter-in-law and now they will hopefully transition to loving me as their grandson's mother. Time is so important when it comes to redefining these relationships. People are hurt and sad and they should be allowed their feelings. I have had four and half months to deal with this and now I feel like I am ready to help others' deal with it on their own terms.

Frequently asked questions:
1. What are you doing with your dogs?
Tom will take the dogs since it would be too much for me to walk two 60 lb dogs and Keegan. My association allows pets, so they can come for visits or stay with me while Tom is away. Although I will miss them, I think it will work out well for Tom to have their company.

2. How will you be working out custody of Keegan?
I will have what is termed primary (physical) custody with liberal visitation for Tom. Along with all of my business trips, we have talked about splitting the weekends in half and also having a weekday schedule. We are lucky because Keegan is young enough to not be locked into a school schedule and we'll only be 25 minutes apart for Tom to do pickups or dropoffs to daycare. We'll just keep figuring out the holidays as we go along and adjusing according to what is best for Keegan.

3. What about your frozen embryos?
Because they are considered property, they have to be addressed as part of the divorce settlement. At first I wanted to keep them and possibly try for a sibling for Keegan. Tom was willing to give them to me and we were going to find a way for him to sever his parental rights. After the initial shock of the divorce wore off I decided that my choice was too emotionally motivated. It does not make sense for me to carry and raise a baby by myself. Not to mention the fact that it and Keegan would have the same biological makeup by technically it would not have father. That was just too selfish for me to do to a child. A friend put it to me in a different perspective; the two frozen embryos' purpose was to give me Keegan, their job is done and so now I should just let them go. This thought was a great comfort to me. If I have any other children in the future, wonderful. If Keegan is my only baby, then that isn't necessarily a bad thing. He is a magical little boy.
Tom and I signed the paper to dispose of the embryos and it went in the mail yesterday. I wanted to donate them to research but they don't have that option at our clinic. The best part is I will never know for sure when it actually happened. There is still a sadness there to acknowledge.

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