Nothing like getting away to give you some time to think. Needless to say I mostly think about the divorce. I sift through my plans. I try to cover every contingency, try to imagine all the scenarios. If you lose yourself in the planning you don't have to think about the harder stuff. The sad stuff. The promises broken, the future that won't be, the questions I'll never have answered. On occasion I allow myself to cry, be mad and selfish. For about ten minutes and then I'm okay. The other day I came up with a new plan.
I am going to live my life like this is it. I am going to make plans based on me and Keegan and that's it. I will not spend my life "in the meantime." As though someone will come along and then my life begins again. Nope. I have wonderful friends and family, an amazing son and a job I really enjoy. And that is plenty for a full happy life. I am not saying that I don't hope to fall in love again. I want to share my life and be loved again. But I am embracing my freedom and my blessings and making my plans accordingly.