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Alisa. 37. New Hampshire. Married for almost three years to this wonderful, funny, smart guy. Previously married. Went through in-vitro fertilization to have my five year old magical son Keegan. Stepmother to the charming Isabelle (6). Gushingly in love with our baby boy Harper(1). Policy Wonk and dreaded bureaucrat. Lover of fine cuisine, honeybees, truly romantic moments and the underdog.
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Curried Beef Short Ribs

Note: I found this was more realistically four servings.

Finishing this dish with lime zest and juice brightens its rich flavors.

Yield 6 servings (serving size: about 3 ounces ribs, 2/3 cup rice, and about 2 1/2 tablespoons sauce)

2 teaspoons canola oil
2 pounds ...continue reading

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It's Over

Last year in New Hampshire 4.3 per every 1,000 peoples' marriages ended in divorce. This year mine will be one of them.

Those of you who know me already had an idea this was coming. It is a decision I don't take lightly and I agonized over it. I take my wedding vows very seriously. I also know that I did everything I could to prevent it, but it is going to happen anyway. Ultimately people deserve to be happy.

My biggest sadness and joy is for Keegan. I certainly did not bring him into this world knowing we wouldn't make it. It breaks my heart that he isn't going to have the family I dreamed of. But we are incredibly grateful to have him in our lives. The love we have for him and our desire to be the best for him will help guide all of the plans we are making.

I think I have written this post in my head a hundred times and I still don't know what to say. Sometimes I can't believe it is really happening. But I need to accept it and continue on. I fully expect to experience all of the stages of grief and it is hard to imagine a time when I won't feel like my heart has been ripped out of my body.

This is a time in your life when you rely heavily on your friends and family. I am fortunate to have incredible ones. I am sure there will be many times when I am curled up in a corner and need a hand to help me up. I also keep reminding myself that I am always stronger than I think I am.

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Comments

Well I have never been married, I have never even been in a serious relationship, so I have no idea what you are feeling right now. But for what it is worth I truly wish the three of you the best in this difficult time.

Shared by Daneris at February 15, 2005 2:11 PM

Ohh Alisa! I'm sending you all my best... you're in my thoughts.

Shared by Liz at February 15, 2005 2:24 PM

Hugs, hugs, hugs! I don't know what to say, so here's another hug.

Shared by Tracy at February 15, 2005 3:07 PM

*hug* I know the decision was probably one of the most difficult and emotional ones you'll ever make. Although I've never met you, your love for Keegan shows in your words, and I know that whatever choices you make, you make with his best interests in mind. I hope that this change brings happiness for you, because you deserve that. *hug*

Shared by allie at February 15, 2005 5:09 PM

I'm so terribly sorry to hear this.

*big hug*

Shared by Z. Hendirez at February 15, 2005 5:22 PM

Oh Alisa, my thoughts and love are with you. I'm sorry to say that I have been divorced, and while not complicated further by a wonderful baby, it was a difficult process. But time does heal hearts, and my shoulder is here for you any time you may feel the need.

*hug*

Shared by anathea at February 15, 2005 10:24 PM

oh i am so so sorry! i feel sad for all of you. but i am wishing you good thoughts from the tundra.

xoxox jen

Shared by jenB at February 15, 2005 10:33 PM

Thinking of you

Shared by Splolly at February 16, 2005 7:24 AM

We are so sorry. You know we are here for you if you need us.

Shared by Tammy at February 16, 2005 8:19 AM

~all the best to you and your family in this time...~

Shared by btezra at February 16, 2005 9:54 AM

Holy crap Alisa! I'm so sorry and sad to hear this! You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Shared by BeckiK at February 16, 2005 10:25 AM

((Alisa))

I'm so so sorry to hear this. I completely understand how you are feeling since Chris and I were going to get divorced just a few years ago. Did we know each other then? I can't remember. Anyway, be confident in your decision and don't rush anything. It's easier to get divorced than to undo one, IYKWIM. I know you know this but I just felt the need to say it. Chris and I, although destined for divorce and even filed the paperwork for it decided to go the other way and here we are. Life is like that sometimes. Either way you go, you have my support as your friend. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Shared by Eden at February 16, 2005 2:45 PM

Oh, Alisa I am so sorry. We all hope for the perfect lives and families and sometimes it doesn't work out that way. I hope it all works out and if you need anything just ask...
love you...Kerry

Shared by Kerry at February 16, 2005 6:20 PM

Alisa, I'm so sorry about this. If I can be of any help, please let me know. You are strong... you will be ok! Hugs to you!

Shared by Margie at February 16, 2005 6:31 PM

Oh Alisa...I've not known you that long, but I felt a twang when I read your post...I am so very sorry. I am a *neighbor* so if you need anything, really, let me know. You are in my thoughts.

Shared by bari at February 16, 2005 7:19 PM

Alisa,
My thoughts are with you on this tough decision. I am seeing the heartbreak of this situation as my youngest brother and his wife are splitting up with a 14 month old son. They have been seperated since about July or August, but we didn't know till October so its been hard for all of the family. I wish you and Keegan the best with this.

Shared by chris at February 17, 2005 12:11 PM

Alisa, I mostly just lurk but I'm really, really sorry to hear that. My sister and her husband are going through something similar and I know there's nothing to say that helps but I'm really, truly sorry. I'm glad that you have good friends to lean on.

Shared by Erin at February 17, 2005 5:22 PM

{{{hugs}}} Alisa! I am so sorry to hear this, wishing you all the best and thinking of you....

Shared by Leslie at February 17, 2005 8:54 PM

Ms. Alisa, it was just about two years ago now that I met yah via Ms. Erika's. Felt a pain for you back then as I read your list of things you'd miss at the teen center. Lady, I'm feeling a pain as I read what is probably a restrained post on your part. I hope your college reunion goes well. I also hope you'll drop me a line if and when you need an additional outlet. I mean it.

Shared by Sara at February 18, 2005 2:09 PM

I'm so sorry hon that life hasn't quite worked out the way you pictured it. My hopes for you are that you will emerge from this stronger and happier and turn this time of uncertainty to peace. I hope that the road ahead leads you to a place of greater self-understanding and that one day you'll find yourself happier than you have ever imagined you could be again. You have all my love and prayers for you and yours.

Shared by Jennah at February 27, 2005 3:28 AM









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