about
Alisa. 37. New Hampshire. Married for almost three years to this wonderful, funny, smart guy. Previously married. Went through in-vitro fertilization to have my five year old magical son Keegan. Stepmother to the charming Isabelle (6). Gushingly in love with our baby boy Harper(1). Policy Wonk and dreaded bureaucrat. Lover of fine cuisine, honeybees, truly romantic moments and the underdog.
cooking
Curried Beef Short Ribs

Note: I found this was more realistically four servings.

Finishing this dish with lime zest and juice brightens its rich flavors.

Yield 6 servings (serving size: about 3 ounces ribs, 2/3 cup rice, and about 2 1/2 tablespoons sauce)

2 teaspoons canola oil
2 pounds ...continue reading

view all my recipes

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Abrasions

I called Dartmouth today and confirmed the date of when I will start taking my Lupron injections. I suspect it will all seem to move rather quickly after that. I was really excited after our last appointment. More accurately I was feeling positive. Positive enough to start planning the rest of the year around being pregnant. Can't fly at this time, vacation close to home, where we will spend the holidays. I rarely let myself get that far ahead when it come to this. This last week has brought a lot of negative pregnancy test results for my online friends who just went through their IVF cycles. I'm now thinking why should mine be any different. Who says I should get to be successful on my first cycle when these other women have been trying so long? I am still excited about this try. Just not as sure of it.
I don't usually get effected by news outside of our situation. I am genuinely happy for other people who are pregnant now. I can be in a room with babies and be fine. But lately the sight of little boys has caught me on the edge. Like the one on Fri. sitting in front of his dad on the lawn tractor scooting around the yard. Or the one on Sat. holding his dad's hand and in the other clutching his Easter basket intent on the hunt. They are in my sight line for the briefest moment and then my eyes fill up. The sharp pain spreads from my heart into the pit of my stomach. And then I wipe the tears and keep on driving.
That's the hard part, never knowing when it is going to hit me. When I will be on the other side of this and those visions will only make me smile. Instead of making me long for the feeling of that little hand in mine.

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Comments

Awww Alisa, *hugs*!

I'm so happy to be sharing this journey with you. I truly wish you the best.

Shared by Allison at April 15, 2003 12:47 AM

have faith hon. It's gonna happen for you :)

Shared by pita at April 15, 2003 10:04 AM

I know, I know....(((hugs)))

Shared by Jennifer B. at April 15, 2003 12:32 PM

Oh Alisa:O( I didn't know that you were struggling with infertility....I will be thinking about you and hoping that it will happen soon for you guys!

Shared by Leslie at April 17, 2003 3:31 PM

Do you remember this comment? You said that the sight of little boys has caught you on edge. I just thought that was so cool now that we know you have a little son in there :)

Thinking of you hon. :)

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